Isabelle was recently diagnosed as severely iron deficient. Drinking too much milk during the day has lead her to not eating enough food. Top it off with her being a picky eater and we are in the perfect storm.
She is taking a daily liquid iron supplement. We have also been directed to increase her red meat and veggie intake.
We are trying it all, dark green hidden in a fruit smoothie a few times a week. Veggies hidden in hamburgers and sloppy joes, cheese covered deliciousness.
One of the main things I have had to do is let go of my image of success. That by somehow making my kids eat the same things I am, I’m winning. Well, that’s just stressful. I get annoyed because they never like anything I cook (I’m a good cook, it’s something I pride myself on). We waste a TON of food, because I cook for 3+ and only 2 actually eat it. Causes me to over eat because… well mom bites.
I haven’t worked out since my dad went in the hospital. I have set my morning alarm with all good intentions and I just don’t get up. Even though I never really fall back asleep.
The community I am part of is amazing. I am trying to pull from them for inspiration. All I have are excuses, no good reason for not doing the thing. I can feel my mind pulling me deeper, the circle is viscous. I know what I have to do, it just seems so impossible. That’s where my mind is right now.
I shared my struggle with my online community and was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support.
Many of them understand the dissonance that depression creates between the knowledge to do better and the ability to take action.
Many of them offered arms of love to surround me with.
Many of them offered solutions and straight talk that you HAVE to do something to climb out.
So, I started to do something. I reflected on January and gave myself credit for the work I have put in. And not just in January but going back to the beginning of this wellness journey.
I acknowledged the fear that I hold on to and drives my bouts. INADEQUACY.
I ordered a set of affirmation cards to help me start my day with positive thoughts.
Tomorrow is a new day. I have done the next right thing today. Tomorrow I will address the next right thing for that day.
If you are struggling, reach out. Make yourself vulnerable. If you don’t you are in danger of losing yourself in the darkness.
If you don’t feel like you have a community. I am here.
This week some people very close to me have hit a difficult time.
I have watched a woman of awe inspiring faith lean on God so others can lean on her. Her calm and surrender in this time of crisis are something I can only hope to achieve if I am faced with a similar situation some day.
I have leaned in and made choices to pour my energy and time into acts of service to show how much I love both of them. It is stressful and calming at the same time.
We can’t be all the things to all the people all the time. While I believe with my whole heart that you must put yourself at the front of your health journey, that does not mean that you can’t do that by taking the energy you have been cultivating and redirecting it to someone in need.
This choice may mean that you miss a few workouts or you fall off your nutrition. This is all part of the balance. You go where the need is great and return to your center to replenish.
The magic of faith, love and kindness is that we can fill our cups by emptying them.
I have started and restarted this health journey on numerous occasions over the past 5 years or so.
Until then I was in the mindset that we all die some day so why not do all the things, including eating all the food, drinking all the alcohol and yes, even illicit drugs.
I cannot pin point when the awakening occurred. When I realized that “enjoying” life had left me in a haze, often depressed and in pain. I was an outward picture of confidence to mask the insecurity and lack of self love that I harbored.
I can tell you that I have thrown my hands up and let the insecurity and the mental garbage I hold onto pull me back. I have quit. And I have started back again.
I have finally realized that the journey to self love isn’t about a 4 week program or a nutritional plan or the self help book you swear you will read.
The journey, LIFE, is about committing the day you make the decision to truly live and then Recommitting every day after.
If we live each day, with a renewed vow to ourselves, we won’t get it perfect. We will make choices from a new point of view that will allow us to live into our best life.
We each have pieces of our life’s pie that we feel like we have a handle on through this journey. Parenting, by far, is the one I am struggling with the most right now.
If I’m honest, it’s also the part that I am most self critical about and feel the most guilty about when I have a screamer moment or just can’t remain in the same room with my kids because…THE FRUSTRATION.
Well, yesterday a toddler parenting workshop popped on my feed, free. It had words like “community” and “connection”.
3 months ago, I would have been intrigued but scrolled by with anxiety about leaving the house for a session where I would be in the presence of strangers and just NO.
This workshop is 6 sessions and I did it. I signed up, I showed up and I will do it again for the next 5 weeks.
If I had not made the commitment to lean in and improve my mind and body, I would not have left the house.
As I sit here preparing the first budget of a new year, a new decade, I reflect on how far we have come.
Being in control of our finances is empowering. It has reduced stress, provided additional opportunity, allowed us some quality time together (budget nights are often done sitting on the couch or at the table with a beer and some good conversation/reflection).
I feel hopeful for the future, not hopeless. I am so proud of what we have achieved in just a year and can not wait for the snowball to keep rolling down the debt hill.
I struggle with the idea of hiding things from my children. I have read this post several times, or ones similar. While I understand the intent, I am not sure I am comfortable with the direction.
To hide my own wellness journey from my child, is dishonest. Part of a wellness journey is being comfortable in your own skin but still seeking improvement. Weight and outward appearance, while not what the main wellness goal are about, are part of the journey.
If I don’t talk openly today, with all the other messages she receives that are beyond my control, will she come to me when she struggles with something similar. Will she know I can relate? That I have been where she is?
Oh to be a girl mom. To undo decades of imprinting that seems to have effected our very DNA.
As I enjoy a quiet night at home I think how the New Year can be OVERWHELMING.
All these outside forces telling us we need to have these plans to fit some mold or have some goal for the YEAR.
Plan for the entire YEAR?!?! Cue my anxiety. Make a resolution, don’t make a resolution. Embark on a wellness journey, make a plan. Wake up tomorrow and do nothing differently. These are ALL options. YOU need to decide which is right for you.
Here is what I am doing – trying to make myself and my health a priority. Taking it one month at a time.
Does even a month seem like a lot? It’s okay to make a plan for this week or even this day!
Much love for what has been and what is to come. Whatever you do, do it for you ❤️